Above All
by ThickerThanLove
Summary: A short story I created about Gohan and Goku's decisions after the Cell Games. Those beyond this world can feel our pain. Goku feels his son's, full force. What will this do for his decision to stay away? R&R please!


**Above All**

A Dragonball Z fic I got inspired to write when listening to some worship music. Takes place almost directly after the Cell Games and Gohan ponders on his father. Hope you enjoy. As always DBZ is not mine, etc….

_OOO_

Long dark streaks trailed into Gohan's eyes. He had been sitting in the rain for a while but he knew no one would come after him because no one would know where to look. Even if they did, this was certainly the last place they would have considered him to be.

He came here often, the spot where his father had vanished. His father had vanished here when he had failed to destroy Cell because of his arrogance. He had thought he was ready for the battle. He hadn't enjoyed it, mainly because he knew what was at stake. Had the stakes not been so high, he would have found the challenge a great fun event.

But the stakes had been high, too high. Earth had originally been at stake but the minute Goku had vanished with Cell, Gohan had realized exactly how high the stakes were. He had lost his father once before and had been alone for a year. During that year, he had chosen to stay away and train, once Piccolo had opened up the love he held inside him for it. But his heart had screamed out for his father every second of that long year.

Gohan had thought he would burst when Goku finally returned. He had wanted to ambush him with kisses, hugs and "I love yous" but a battle had been at place and he had nearly lost his father again. And why? The same reason he'd lost his father now. Because he had been weak and cowardly. He hadn't been strong enough. He had gotten lucky the other times. His father had returned. Now, it seemed he was out of luck.

Why had Daddy stayed behind? Why had he chosen to stay dead? Was he really that bad a son? Had he failed in some outrageous way? He trailed his fingers in the dust coated ground. Tears pattered down his face and he had to fight to keep from crying out loud. The thunder helped disguise his voice so whenever a clap of thunder sounded, he would let out a pain filled wail

Any animal around would have fled at the sound. Not for its volume but for its unnatural pain. Not even a dying beats let loose such a horrible, pain wrench screech of unending sorrow. This was not a sorrow an animal would feel. This was a cry of such sadness, such guilt and such anguish that it sounded torturous coming from a humanoid throat.

Gohan laid his body down on the ground. It was easier to cry this way. He used to do it when he was little, he would bury his face into his bed and Daddy would come in and scoop him up and ask him what was the matter. Oh, how he longed for those strong arms again, that gentle voice, those soft lips kissing his tears away and then making him laugh with a tickle to his neck. But it wouldn't happen again.

Because of him. Because he was a failure. He was a failure to his mother because he would never be the scholar she wanted. He wasn't meant to be and he knew it. The love for it wasn't there. He was a failure as a son. He had done something horrific that made his father stay behind. He was a failure to his friends. He had been cowardly when he should have been brave. He should have been swift, not arrogant. He had failed. If not for his father's noble sacrifice, he would have failed the earth.

He knew he was doomed to be a failure to his new sibling. Mother had said she was pregnant but that hadn't given Gohan any joy, only depressed him even further. The child would look to him as a male role model but what kind of role model was he to look up to? He had failed, so many times in so many ways. If he the strength, he would have snapped his own neck…but no, he wasn't. He had thought it over several times but he couldn't even do that right. The scars on his arms were proof of that. He was even a failure at ending his own life.

Why had Daddy done it? Why stay behind? He needed him. He really needed him. There was so much Daddy could teach him still. Things he wanted to know. Like why all of a sudden his palms got sweaty around girls and his heart sped up. Like why his voice sometimes sounded like a broken pane of glass. Like why sometimes he hurt or his body woke up wet in sweat or his underwear was smeared. He knew it was something to do with his body getting older but he didn't know what. He'd tried to look it up in his anatomy books but they had been no help.

"Daddy, what's happening to me? I need you right now."

Tears ran down his face.

"I always need you. I always will. Daddy, please come back."

Why did he still say that? He knew his father was in the Other World but he hoped he could hear him. He prayed for it. But, he received no answer aside from the thunderclap. He rose to his feet knowing that his mother would be getting anxious soon. He rose to the air and headed for home, his thoughts still on his father's sacrifice and what he had said. He had said that he had done it to keep him and everyone safe, to keep the enemies from returning. While, yes, a lot of enemies came for Goku, there had been enemies before Goku and Goku had merely been the first to oppose them. That fell to Gohan now. He took it up with pride but so far there had been no enemies.

Gohan ignored his mother's hugs when he entered but he pressed his ear against her rounding belly. The human woman smiled and stroked his hair as the child inside her gave a harsh kick. Gohan's thoughts turned to one thing. _I'll protect this one, no matter what. Little brother, little sister, whoever you are. I'll do anything to protect you…even if you don't understand me…_

The boy's brows hiked up. Is that…is that what Daddy had done? Tears filled his eyes and he spoke softly.

"That's why you stayed behind. You were thinking of me, above all else…I wish you hadn't been Daddy. I wish you were here…"

ChiChi rested her hand on her son's head. "Oh Goku, I wish you could hear him. I wish you could hear how much he needs you."

He did hear her.

_OOO_

Goku bit his lip, feeling the pain in his son's ki even as he tried to keep occupied by heading towards the training grounds on the Grand Kai's planet. He felt his son's pain. He had done what he had done for his son's safety, thinking of that above all else but now the pain was killing his own spirit. Not a good thing for a dead guy. Listening to his son's cries and his wife's plea, he bit his lower lip.

_So it comes to this, Goku_. He preached to himself. _The world or your son's happiness, your son's needs_.

_That wasn't a hard question_, he reasoned. _Not hard at all_. Why it took him this long to realize it, he wasn't sure. Focusing his ki onto King Yemma's ki, he popped out and back to the Lord of the Dead. The giant didn't seem surprised by his sudden appearance, given the many times that he had seen him. Goku focused his mind and called out to the Guardian of earth, to little Dende.

"Dende."

"Goku-san!"

"Yep…look, can you get the Dragonballs from Namek in anyway?"

"I could try, Goku-san."

"Do that. Please."

"Goku-san?"

"I was an idiot, Dende. Don't get me wrong, I love the earth but it's…well, sorry but Earth is taking second priority here."

"You're requesting I wish you back?"

"yes…"

_OOO_

Gohan sat up with a start when he heard his mother scream. He leapt out of his desk chair and raced down the hall, already powering up to Super Saiyan, ready to fight off anything that had threatened his mother and unborn brother or sister. He tore into the living room and froze in his tracks. His golden hair fell back to black and tears welled up in his eyes.

His mother had her arms wrapped around a large man's neck, crying her heart out, despite her bulging belly that interfered a little bit. The large warrior laughed and felt her stomach a moment before twirling her around, gently. Setting her down on her feet, he turned to Gohan and waved, "Yo, little man!" The tears spilled over then.

"Hey, hey, why the tears little man?"

"D…Daddy?"

"Hai! C'mere kiddo!"

Gohan froze a moment, staring. The golden halo was absent from his father's head. Then, that meant…

"Daddy, you're really-?"

"I'm not going to go anywhere any time soon, little man."

Tears erupted from the boy's eyes and he pushed from the doorframe, leaping up from the ground, his arms outstretched. Goku opened his own arms, wrapping them around his eldest. He twirled around, pulling the boy close to his chest. Gohan buried his face, sobbing. Goku stroked his hair, saying gently, "I'm sorry, Gohan. I'm so sorry."

"You're sorry?"

"Yes, I was a fool. Baka Goku, Baka!" he slapped his own forehead. "I was so caught up with what was good for the earth I missed the important details, like what was important for my wife and both my sons."

Goku winked as ChiChi ran to fix Goku a feast that would stuff even him. "After dinner you and I'll talk some okay? I know you've got some questions to ask yer old man, don't you?"

"…hai."

Goku tightened his grip on his son and Gohan asked "You came back…"

"For my wife, for my unborn but mostly because my Gohan still needs his Daddy. Just as much as Daddy still needs his little man."

"You came back…for me?"

"Well, for everyone I cared about but yes. I felt your pain in the Other World Gohan and it ripped me apart."

Gohan blinked, tears spilling down his face. A smile cracked through his face though and he leapt up and kissed his father's face and he rested them, supported in his father's strong arms. Yes, this man was who he aspired to be. This was the role model he intended to show to his brother through his own actions. Letting a few tears, this time of pure joy, slip down his cheeks, he thought silently, _Even in death, you think of me above all_.

_Always little man."_ Came the gentle answer in his mind. _I put you through enough pain and I'm never letting it happen again. ChiChi, yer brother and you…from now on, you're all first. Above all…"_


End file.
